Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
