So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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