this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
