I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
