if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
