I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
