my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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