I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
