I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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