WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
