just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
