I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
