I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
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