I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Damn victory sex feels great
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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