6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
