I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
