Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
