So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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