I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
