you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
