I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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