sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
