You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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