Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
