after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
