In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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