drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
