If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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