I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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