i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
