her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
