he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
