I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
