If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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