I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
ok first of all what the fuck
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