1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
