In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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