I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
