I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
