GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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