I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
