FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
