Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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