i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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