Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
