My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i think im in europe. pls send help
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
