fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
