and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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