I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
