i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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