what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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