He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
